Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Prelude to Infamy

The periods of stagnation in my job, times that are so often coveted by those whose work entails sometimes catching the reflection of the sun off the computer in the cubicle next them, I find meaninglessly empty.  So I started filling that empty space by crafting seriously epic April Fools pranks - pranks that if filmed and executed right, would be viral.

Previously at work, I am not too much of a joker unless someone had thrown down the gauntlet first. My previous retaliations include:
  1. Egg Juice in the Drink: After a co-worker took it upon himself to haze me in my first weeks by throwing a cup of GEO men's after-shave on my leg (which believe me smells like old-man taint dipped in cat urine), I responded with a rather blunt but effective method: 4 day old egg juice in the Dr. Pepper. The best part is, everyone saw me do it and waited around patiently for him to drink. He walked in, took a sip, and in the middle of everyone said, "Who farted?" Mass-Lolling ensued.
  2. Mouth Wash Through the Stall: A co-worker kept poking holes in my styro-drinking cup, so that when I would refill it it would leak on me. Not cool. The bathrooms in the men's locker-room have wooden slats that face down. So mouthwash + throwing upwards through the slats + rival coworker dropping a deuce = "My fucking eyes!"
However I can't take credit for the one we came up with in our downtime at work; that actually goes to my boss. One of his lifetime friends also works with us, and because of what my boss knows about him, it actually makes the prank perhaps rise into legendary status.

You see, his friend is kind of a drunk. By drunk, I also really mean drug-addict that also deals too. He is a racist 34 year old who can't actually step foot into any of his favorite bars because he never pays the tab. His car now controls his destiny as it only operates if he blows into it. Basically, the definition of a fuck-up.

Ok so the prank: we are going to forge false paternity papers and have him served on the job by someone who he's never met. The papers are going to drawn up to resemble the actual legal documents that would be used thanks to a lawyer friend we know at work. Our target has absolutely no assets (other than the peace-pipe in his pocket), so when he reads that he is being sued for 10 years of back-child support, he might lose his mind. What's going to clinch it is that my boss knows every girl he has ever slept with going back 18 years, so the possibilities are endless.

Actually he has been talking a lot about suicide recently...

Nah, he'll be fine. 

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