Lost: "The Package"

 This week's installment could also have been an extended advertisement for Rosetta Stone: Korean. Our star crossed baby-makers, Sun and Jin, struggled against fate and powerful entities in both realities to finally be together. Ultimately though, this episode was more or less about moving pieces around, or in Jin/Sun's case: driving them further apart so that they may be reunited in the climactic final moments of the show.

"The Package": Off Island

• The reason for Jin's prudeness on the plane in the season opener was revealed: he was paranoid as all hell that someone would find out he was banging the boss' daughter out of wedlock. Jin was referred to by Keamy as Sun's "bodygaurd," and like the Whitney Houston movie, he definitely got to deliver his "package" over and over again (to knocked-up success). Unlike the former timeline which had Jin being forced to work for Sun's father after marrying her, Jin seems to have already been under his employ. It is curious as to how that would change, as Jacob was only seen touching them at their wedding (not before), so there may be still more unseen moving parts that had pushed them together in the former reality. 
• That Other (whose name escapes me) with one eye that blew Charlie up, returned as an apt linguist under Keamy's hire and Korean translator with both eyes intact in this new reality...well, that was until Jin introduced him to his angry face and shot him in the eye. OK, there are just way to many identical deaths/injuries happening for it to be coincidence.
• Sun stares longingly into a mirror, like almost every other sideways castaway so far. Is she noticing something about herself or trying to remember something?
• Oddly, this was the first sideways episode that ended on a downer note: Sun gets shot in the babymaker, only to reveal that she had indeed made a baby. Are fates intervening to preclude Ji Yeon's creation (as she wasn't conceived on island), or will the bullet miraculously curve around the baby (a la "Wanted")? Food for thought, Jin isn't sterile in this reality (or Sun still gets around); would a bullet destroying Sun's uterus be some sort of cosmic balancing act to make up for this lack of island influence?

"The Package": On Island

• Resurrection via poopy-waters and siding with Smokey may have some serious side affects: consult your Dr. if you start to feel...absolutely no human emotion. Also, diarrhea and feeling like a Navy Seal is normal. Seriously though, zombie Sayid isn't that fun. You know who else doesn't show much emotion: Jacob and the MIB. It could be safe to assume that it was indeed the muddy waters that have had the biggest impact, as Claire too has followed the MIB - but was resurrected when Jacob was still alive. That might be the key to her eventual salvation. 
• Widmore's ninjas knock out Smokey's camp while he was off searching for Sun, but they only take Jin.We come to learn that they need Jin's Dharma knowledge and location of a pocket of the island's special brand of electro-magnetic energy. Obviously, if you are out trying to scout for a pocket of quantum time bending energy, you want the man who survived not only an explosion of hatch energy, but also a case of swapped temporal consciousnesses. Hence Widmore's mysterious package and everyone's favorite Scott: Desmond. 
• It's hard to tell what Widmore is after; he knows the stakes if Smokey is to leave the island, but one wonders whether or not he wants to use the island's pocket of energy for his own greed. I mean, it's safe to assume he abducted the father of his grandchild and husband to his daughter, which places him on the list of "uncool in-laws." Maybe Widmore is not only trying to slay the beast (who may have had an unseen hand in his exile), but is also looking for a cosmic "do-over." The "rules" don't apply to Desmond, hopefully we'll finally find out why.
• Loved Sawyer taking the mythical smoke monster to task, "Why don't you just fly your ass over there?" Darth Locke reveals that he needs the magic number 6 candidates present at the plane in order for him to leave. Is this so he can kill them all in one spot, or because he needs them in a way similar to the precise way the Oceanic 6 had to be on the Ajira flight back to the island?
• Smokey/Widmore encounter was pretty cool; two powerful entities with a literal line (sonic fence) in the sand. Smokey recalled Locke's memory of Widmore telling him that a war was coming to the island. Could Widmore have known how events were to unfold back then? 
• Sun and Jin's roles are now flipped: Jin's the one who is speaking English and Sun can only speak Korean. Awkward!

OK episode all in all - sort of a lull after last week's lore-fest. In the alternate reality, I bet Sun has a date with Dr. Jack. On the island, it's interesting that Smokey's biggest obstacle so far has been the series perceived greatest evil: Widmore. Has our whole understanding of Widmore been intentionally skewed? Jacob heralded his return, so has Widmore always been part of his plans? Or, has Jacob engineered the masterful "enemy of my enemy" gambit, and played both baddies off against one another, giving our candidates the opportunity to fulfill their destinies.

Whatever happens, happens...

Lost: "Ab Aeterno"

 

 ab aeterno
"Since the beginning of time..."

The delay of this writing is due to the fact that this was one of those episodes of Lost that was so textured and deep, from the dialogue to the images, that I just had to re-watch and ponder. For Richard and Lost fans alike, this episode was a long time coming; Richard (or should I say "Ricardo") is such a mysterious and ominous character, the show had a hard task of living up to, and fulfilling our expectations that we all probably had for finding out just where the hell the "Man in the Eye-Liner" (MiEL) came from, and what his true purpose is.

The history and trials of the 150+ year old have elements that we know to hold true in a lot of our castaways past or present lives: death of a love, murder, faith (or loss of it).

I don't think it's such a coincidence that the two characters that Richard's history seems to parallel are on-island Sawyer and Sayid;  all of these men lost the love of their lives, they have committed murder, and ultimately they all lost their will and turn toward Smokey (we'll get to Hurly/Richard later). I give a nod of the similarity being closer to Sawyer, as both of his and Richard's murders can also be checked in the "oops, my bad" category.

Even with a compelling and emotional story that rivals other great Lost episodes like "The Constant," Richard's story was heaped upon it a mountain of complexity thanks to the MiB and the MiW. If you have some sort of DVR, the biggest reason to hit  rewind was to try and parse (and not be twisted by) the masterful manipulations of Smokey and Jacob. The biggest "red herring" and sly wink to lost fandom was the immediate declaration by Richard at the beginning of the episode that everyone on the island is dead, and they are in hell; of course, we didn't know at the time that Richard was reverting back to old-school Catholic upbringing, but that is only half the point.

Richard thinks he was in hell because he programmed to believe that was the only place he could go, thanks to the notion he couldn't be absolved from the sin of murder; we also learned from his murder that the WWE is a devil's pastime, because clearly Richard was going for a table bodyslam and the Dr. fell wrong. Anywho, a long standing theory from season 1 was that all the castaways were dead, and the island was a sort of purgatory. I, myself, even postulated at one point that the MiB was the devil and the island was the place were he fell after being cast out of heaven, with Jacob being his eternal jailer.

Ok, so that theory might look a little better on the surface after this episode, especially if you take to the MiB really being "evil" incarnate, but the religion angle was at most a con for Richard and the fans, akin to the one that Smokey laid on Richard in this episode.  You see like Richard, we were all predisposed to fall for the "island is hell (purgatory)" story because we have heard it all before. Of course, Smokey knows what made Richard, and us, tick.

We now have an MO for Mr. Smokey:

1. Find target(s), eliminate all other bystanders. 
2. Examine target's soul: his or her hopes and fears.
3. Project their greatest hopes or wishes to lure them
4. Prey upon them and corrupt them by using their fears against them

So, if we revisit Smokey/MiB's first encounter with Richard on the Black Rock, we see Smokey's divide and conquer strategy play out in full. He first arrives in his "seek and destroy" mode, and after killing all other survivors, has the time to examine his target (paparazzi flashes). I refer to Richard as a target and not a "survivor" because Jacob brought the Black Rock the island, so the MiB had to have already determined to either leave one person alive to try and corrupt to kill Jacob, or a specific person to corrupt (Richard). After Smokey analyzed Richard, he came to him under the guise of his love and someone he trusts, Isabella, to lay the ground work for his con by convincing Richard of his greatest fear (thanks to his religion) that he was in hell. Smokey then projected Isabella's death by something unseen, "the devil," so that he can appear before Richard in his true form and offer a way out: kill the devil (Jacob).

Richard had very basic religious fears, and so Smokey's approach in trying to convince Richard to kill Jacob was to use his religion and beliefs against him. Curiously, the method of Jacob's demise was the same knife Dogen gave Sayid to try and slay the MiB, with the same warning attached, "If he speaks, it is already too late." Interestingly, the knife that Ben held when he slew Jacob was unremarkable - and Jacob did indeed speak before being shanked. My guess on the identical "read before using" warnings is that the "not speaking" has to do with both entities power of persuasion.

After a half-dead trek to the now destroyed statue (Jacob probably brought the Black Rock as part of a cosmic-insurance fraud scheme to build him some prettier digs), the Spanish Stallion is met with a pretty substantial Chuck Norris-like ass-kicking (sans roundhouse kick). Welcome to the worst (or best) day every Richard!

What Jacob also has: some pretty big insight. We now know what the purpose of the island is, at least in a "dumbed-down for the 18th century farmer analogy": it is proverbial stopper over a well of evil, and the island is the only thing that can keep it from washing over the world. Pretty heavy. Some other Jacob and MIB things of note:

• Either by choice, or because of the "rules," Jacob cannot have an active influence on anyone he brings to the island. As part of their eternal game, Jacob seeks to prove to the MiB that not everyone is corruptible, and that people themselves can determine what is right from wrong. The problem that Jacob was having is that because he was unable to have an active influence like the MiB, and Smokey was easily able to corrupt or kill every generation of castaway. Hence the creation of the first "other;" Richard became Jacob's liaison and mouthpiece to try and protect his castaways. 
• Curiously, Jacob brought the Black Rock to the island, but he doesn't know who Richard is? Especially after the admission that everyone before Richard had died, we are still faced with the ambiguity that remains on just how noble Jacob is. It is noble to be the gatekeeper that keeps evil from washing over the world, but why bring innocent bystanders to the island just to prove a point to that evil? Was Jacob always expecting to die, thus bringing more potential candidates? Clearly, we are missing big chunks of information on what exactly the candidates must do to ascend.
• Jacob tells MiB, "You know you can't kill me, there will always be another." This reminded me of the oft-referenced movie Star Wars when Obi-Wan tells Vader, "If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can even imagine." I think Jacob was hinting at, that in the event of his demise, he would be able to break the rule that limited him to not having an active influence. Since leaning into the knife, Jacob is now able to appear at will to Hurley and aid his candidates. 
• What is the origin of this massive evil on the island? Is it a pool where the worst of mankind's actions settle? Or is the evil a singular entity?

In the end, Jacob admits to not being able to raise the dead (I guess Locke didn't die from that fall) or go back in time and take away Ricardo's murder. He WAS able to sideways bro-hug him to immortality. Obviously we can assume from Richard's role that he still has intimate knowledge left to be shared to our "candidates."

Speaking of which (back on the island), Jack's group got to finally talking about fake dead Locke and being candidates, but once again it was Hurley who is the go-to facilitator. He is my odds-on favorite to win Jacob's job (check out the odds here), as well as my vote for the islands "biggest-loser," since Jacob has him running marathons everywhere. Just when Alpert was going to pull a Sawyer/Sayid, Hugo used his "gift" and proved his value in keeping Alpert on the team by delivering a message from his dead wife. I am starting to wonder, though, where the hell all these spirits are hanging out that they are so ready to appear and assist.

That's when it hit me, what if like the MiB, Jacob is either now able to, or always has been able to manifest himself as something or someone else (Christian Shepherd anyone?). Food for thought.

As Hurley and Richard depart, the camera pulls back to Smokey, who was just a wee bit late in answering Richard's call and looked pretty pissed because of it. That old smoke is losing it's touch - can't fly like it used to (or explode from the ground...).


In reference to my current odds, I might have to back-track on the odds that place our candidates as the new MiB; I am not sure how many of them qualify as evil-incarnate at this point.  Perhaps I will update them before next weeks episode. I am off to invest in that "Rosetta Stone" software; I got a craving to learn me some Spanglish.

- Claymhor

Lost: "Recon" Recap

Recon. Re-Con.

This episode was also known as "Saywer finally pulls a hat-trick." Of course I am referring to the fact that Mr. Ford finally completes the spectrum of lays and has relations with one lady of every hair color; the big (random) flavor of the week was the late Charlotte Lewis (also of the C.S. Lewis tree of references), who in turn, offered nothing of value except passionate lovemaking and a tiny bit of info that she still fell into the archaeology gig. Sawyers' alternate digs, however, place him in different professional circumstances: he is a con-man for the law rather than a fugitive. Why is this important? Because Sawyer, to Miles (his partner, and loyal flunky in both worlds), explains that he at one point had an important choice in life: become a criminal or cop. In the alternate realm, James Ford chose the nobler of the two professions, yet all that "good" he has done in the name of justice has not rid him of his lust to find the con-man that destroyed his family.

One can infer from the fact that James Ford still endured the traumatic death of his father and mother, that Sawyer's fork in the road happens after Jacob touches him - or doesn't - at his parents' funeral as a child; more simply, Sawyer's alternate reality resets to when he had a choice as a confused child, whether to con for good, or evil.

Thus, did the island, and Jacob, still have an affect on Sawyer's life? Or, did the absence of Jacob allow for Jim Ford to edge toward good, rather than evil?

There was nothing really revolutionary about this story, compared to others in Lost cannon. What it established was its place in line with the rest of season 6's alternate lore of divergent and semi-redemptive stories. I say "semi" because it was probably not an accident that this story ends with Sawyer running into to alternate-fugitive Kate, because so far both of their off-island stories have been the most open-ended and unresolved: Kate was still on the run, and Sawyer was still in search of his family's con-man murderer (conmurderer?). Sawyer re-con's in his alternate life, and he maybe be re-conning everyone on the island.

Big question: because of Locke's implied relationship with his "too-be-invited to the wedding" father, is there a new Sawyer in James' past, or will it still turn out to be Locke's father?

"Recon" Off-island

* Sawyer lays on the old "whoopsy-suitcase" con the same way in both realities, but to different effects and desired outcomes; the point is that he is both in control of the the con in one reality and the arrest in the other, but more specifically it is to set up and underscore Darth Locke's faith in Sawyer and his ability to lie and detect lies.

* Charlotte = hot. It's amazing what happens for the complection when blood isn't spewing out of every orifice because of a time-warp. She finds a file (was she aleady looking for it?) in Mr. Ford's baggage labeled, "Saywer." The two ways to read this scene is either Charlotte was looking for this information, or whether this was part of a typical Sawyer con. Going back to the instigator of the date, multiple interpretations can be inferred from Miles offering up a "date tonight," including the veiled reference to whether or not James wanted to "die alone," (instead of live together). Are we to believe that Miles' friend Charlotte, who "works with his father at the museum", is not a police target and a potential Sawyer-con, or was the whole eventual odd sexing and morning-after meltdown a sincere (and awkward) one-night stand?

* After Sawyer's failed attempt at reconciliation (or follow-up BJ) with Charlotte, thanks to his tipsy revelation watching "Little House on the Prairie," he reveals the "truth" to Miles about his spelunking down in Australia; we didn't learn if he had murdered this time around, but Sawyer's soul-bearing lead to a run in with an awful stereotype: chick-driving. Yes, Kate did nothing but perpetuate the stigma that females have one weakness. I wonder if Sawyer's holding cells are called the "polar bear cages."

"Recon" On-island

* Hey - that's where Sawyer was last week when mass slaughter was going on at the temple - he was tending to Jin! Poor Jin, he is always either half blown up, or a prisoner. Smokey reveals to Sawyer, probably not to his great shock, that he is the smoke monster. For some reason, I didn't quite believe the MIB this time around; I mean I know everything points to him at least having control of the pillar of black death, but its starting to seem, especially out of Darth Locke's mouth, too obvious that new-Locke and the smoke are one and the same.

* A week ago, I was convinced, but the full-on disclosure by the MIB to Sawyer has me questioning whether or not the circumstantial nature of Smokey's recent assaults are due to the fact that the MIB is controlling the monster, rather than actually being the monster. This could also explain how Ben was able to call upon it at one point, but the jury is out rather than unanimous in my mind. OK, I know we had the first-person POV in Locke's episode "The Substitute," but there still could be a cool swerve waiting in the wings.

* Why does Darth Locke send Sawyer away? He claims its because Sawyer is the "best liar he knows," but obviously he anticipates an encounter with Widmore. The question that the audience needs to be asking is for what, or whom, is Widmore working for? Widmore, I believe, was too accepting of Sawyer's offer (and maybe-con) of bringing fake-Locke to be judgement at the hands of Widmore. Widmore easy-acceptance begs the question why he and he small horde didn't join Jack's posse, which leads me to believe that his presence on the island is either for Locke (and anti-Jacob) or for his own unknown purposes. Widmore had left the island several times at will to have and establish a family before his exile at the hands of Ben, so why would he come back? Either he had indeed fallen from Jacob's grace, or had been a victim of Smokey's influence over Ben and and Ben's consolidation of power over the Others; thus, if the latter is true, Widmore should be seeking revenge and a re-establishment of his power on the island.

* "Sayid, are you alright?" Kate was then interrupted by a crazed knife-wielding Claire going for the jugular. Sayid watched quite passively (and maybe hopelessly, or pilled out), as Claire's knife edged nearer to Kate's throat. Ultimately, Smokey comes to the "rescue," hurling Claire off with ease and then, quite literally, slapping some sense into her as only Chuck Norris could appreciate. Once again, this episode will play well for those of you Smoke-fans who enjoy his brand of full-discloser; Darth Locke tells Claire that she had disappeared, so Kate HAD to take Aaron. Ultimately, this scene leads to both an apology by Smokey to Kate for lying to Claire. His awkward and ironic reasoning: Claire had to be fed hate to survive in the absence of her baby. Star Wars link: hate and suffering = the dark side. Come on people, how cut and dry could the force be?

* This also leads to Creeper-Claire apologizing to Kate, but in an episode devoted to a con-man, this played more like an elaborate mind-game with Kate to win her over after Smokey was noticeably surprised by her presence in his camp. Call this a "Plan B" for the monster if you will, but this was the first time that Smokey has admitted to lying outright, which should set off alarm bells for all you Darth Locke lovers out there. In the end, these were brief, but great scenes that highlighted where our Smokey recruits are. Someone get Sayid a 5 hour energy shot - maybe he won't be so stabby.

* Sawyer reveals his gambit to Kate: he is trying to play Smokey and Widmore against each other to give them enough time to commandeer the submarine. Who the hell would pilot that submarine anyway? It made me wonder whether or not the all powerful one - the one most in need of a physical and cosmic man-chest support (he has chick-tits), Darth Locke, was also yanking Sawyer's chain about wanting to fly the plane off the island. If Smokey loved pilots so much, why kill the only one left alive in the first episode? Why let the new pilot, Lupidus, meander over to Jedi-Jack's camp? Hell, why couldn't he just Smoke his way off? It could have been the Sawyer episode, but I don't trust a damn thing or motivation the came from either Darth Locke or Widmore; ironically, the only one I did trust in the end was Sawyer - which I guess was the point. We all hoped and guessed that Sawyer was just on "recon," but maybe this long-con still isn't as cut and dry as we think it is. Perhaps we are still at the mercy of Sawyer and his devilish southern drawl.

Lost: "Dr. Linus" Recap

Dr. Linus watches you masterbate

So, let me just go out on a limb and say that Michael Emerson deserves an Emmy for his work in the episode. This season has been really Ben-light, and it was refreshing to get several new looks at the character; there were ideas and perspectives that we really haven't been accustomed to in terms of what we thought we knew about him and his motivations.

Awhile ago, I posited a series of important questions about Ben. I added, in none-threatening green text, important info that was divulged this episode:

How much does Ben truly know about the island and its patron-deities?
- Clearly, Ben thought he had an intimate relationship with whichever entity occupied the cabin. Being that he has at one point been able to summon Smokey at will, my bet is that entity was probably the Man in Black who was trapped behind some of Jacob's ash. Was Ben an unwitting or knowing agent of said "evil incarnate?"

- One of the most integral lines spoken by Ben in terms of his true knowledge about Jacob: "Oh after all this time, you have decided to stop ignoring me." So either A) Ben was faking it in the cabin and no one was actually talking to him or B) he knew the person in the cabin wasn't Jacob, but was still following orders anyway. I am leaning toward (B) right now for the simple fact that he had knowledge of the entity in the cabin, like how it didn't like technology.

- It's funny, because for so long we have assumed that Ben was one of the masterminds pulling all the strings; but like he did with Sayid, what if he is just a pawn put in play by the Man in Black. I say the Man in Black because:
Not too much here, but his encounter with Smokey while digging his grave points more toward him being an unwitting aide to "evil incarnate" rather than knowing disciple.

This episode, personally, had me thinking that I had been giving Ben too much credit; like Richard and many other Others, he had been left out in the weeds and desperate for guidance from Jacob. However, I still think there is a legitimate logic question about that encounter in the cabin, but now I wouldn't put it past him with how much he has lied before on whether or not he was faking about seeing Jacob.

What gets Ben crossed off the list of "candidates?"
- Ok, so the "Linus" that was crossed out on the lighthouse wheel could have also been his father, but it's highly unlikely; only Ben eventually became an other after his resurrection in the temple. If the waters were clear, and Richard says "he will always be one of us," why has Ben been ignored by Jacob? Has he ever really met Jacob? He has methods of brainwashing people to believe in Jacob (see Alex's first/last boyfriend), though he goes to the cabin instead of the base of the statue to see his "master."

- What made Ben a "candidate?" Was his potential candidacy the reason why he was chosen to lead the others? Why then, did Richard never reveal the true location of Jacob's home?

Up until Jacob's demise at Ben's hand, he still held out hope that Ben would choose to do the "right" thing. This should serve as a warning to all those absentee parents: if you leave your kid in a car (island) to do what he wants, crack the window. They'll probably get all emotional and stabby later if you don't.

When Keamy killed Alex, Ben said he had "changed the rules." Are these rules similar to the ones the creepy boy told Darth Locke about: "You know the rules, you can't kill him."?
- This could be, more simply, rules of engagement that Widmore and Ben would not kill each others' family. Or, if we are to believe that Ben had knowledge of how events were supposed to play out, but they had been altered. This would be in reference to:

The most refreshingly "on the money" question in reference to this episode, as we finally found out what "rule" was changed: Ben chose the island, and Jacob let Alex die. For all you Jacob-haters, this episode must have been right up your alley, as Ben is the personification of everyone's gripe: why would a benevolent being, one who you gave up everything to protect, allow for all this terrible collateral damage and loss of life? Why would he not step in and use his "gift? " Why would an entity whose has been placed on this pedestal and the object of faith for so many, allow for these terrible crises of faith situations for his "chosen?"

Does Ben remember Sayid shooting him - or any of the castaways that had come back in 1977?
- If Ben knew how events were going to play out, and that the castaways had to end up in the past, has he had an edge this whole time?

Also not much here...

On to events on/off island:


Dr. Linus (Off-island):
• I feel like a broken record, so I should probably stop mentioning this "trend" after this week: Ben's off-island shenanigans once again fell into the theme of "cosmic second-chance." His alternate-reality "Dr. Linus" is a man who is dealing with those same personal struggles that mirror his on-island persona: the struggle for meaning, and the struggle for power.

• I really thought that off-island Locke would have a more rival-type role opposite Dr. Linus, but really he was pretty integral in pushing Ben down his mini-arc that climaxes in him becoming a not so bug-eyed creeper; he offered Ben support in his becoming principal when Ben voiced his disdain that he had to baby-sit the school's rejects while giving up his after school "history" club that serves to nurture the gifted students. Now think back to the end of season 2 and the beginning of 3 when Ben captured 4 of our 6 "listed" candidates handed down by Jacob himself; what exactly do you think his mirrored island self was thinking? Probably, "Why the heck do I have to babysit these damn rejects when I should be tending to my gifted flock of others?" Little did he know that the actual "gifted" ones were those four (well 3 after he let Hurley go), but he was probably crying buckets that Jacob wasn't talking to him. The point: Ben's grievances to his co-teachers were a very tongue-in-cheek way of pointing out why he started to become so frustrated with Jacob in the first place.

• Who knows if this is also why Ben got scratched off the list? Maybe Ben had been handed a list down from Jacob (or Richard from Jacob) to be a care-taker to these Oceanic castaway "rejects," but their importance was such an affront to Ben and the others who had given up all their lives to Jacob's cause. It probably wouldn't be that cool if you had to get shot, purge Dharma, instigate a coup of Widmore, and become the leader of Jacob's disciples just to then step aside and protect a few random people that drop out of the sky one day off an Oceanic plane. Great line, by the way, from Lupidus when he calls out Ben for being "nostalgic" for those days before the crash.

• The power-play, which I guess would mirror his coup of Widmore, was trying to blackmail the current douche-in-office, Walter Peck. Alright I know that's not his name but that actor always plays jerks, and he will always be the uber-douche "Walter Peck" (is a pecker) of Ghostbusters fame (You know, that city agent who opens the containment unit. Great type-cast btw). Ben enlists the aide of Artz (man I am loving these multiple shout-outs in both timelines - when Hurly mentions getting Artz on his shirt in the Black Rock) to get the dirt on the principal that would prove his illicit affair with the nurse. Ben is caught in a catch-22 of sorts, as Peck counters with the threat of trashing Ben's prized student, Alex, and her chances at getting into Yale. So, like on the island with Keamy (although with less brain-splattering), Ben is given the choice to "save" Alex or choose power.

• We get it, everybody gets a happy ending. Sheesh. Ben chooses Alex and giving up his car spot to non-exploded Artz rather than power. He probably also just condemned himself to more T.V. dinners and adjusting his father's iron lung. Speaking of which, we got some small but important info about when the island sinks: it has to be after Ben and his father already had joined Dharma and then get the opportunity to leave. If they both leave together - does that mean Ben is never shot and thus never tied to the island and the Others before the island is sunk?

Dr. Linus (On-island)
• Ilana and her bag o' knowledge. What didn't Jacob tell her? Apparently they were so close, she thinks of him as a "father." Aw, if only Jacob had touched Ben like that, Ben probably wouldn't have touched him with a knife. Seriously though, she grabbed Jacob's ash because she knew Miles could commune with the dead; more specifically, he could tell her exactly how Jacob died. One of the best line reads ever from Miles to Ben, "Uh oh."

• Ilana played surrogate leader to team Jacob, while team Jacob's once and future king, Jack, ran into the man that must have been losing mascara running around for three episodes: Richard. Like Ben (and frankly, like more than 50% of you in that poll), Richard is having a little crises of faith in Jacob. Hundred(s) of years - all for what? So that Jacob could die? That's when Richard drops the episode's biggest lore-bomb perhaps explaining his immortality and none-cyborg nature (go Hurley): If Jacob touches you, you cannot die. Now there needs to be some debate as to whether Jacob's touch just saves you from killing yourself, or whether it also means natural causes (such as aging = Richard). Jacob touched Sawyer and Kate as children, though they aged and Richard seemingly does not. Is there an extra special "fountain of youth" special massage touch you can buy? There might be more to it than that, but right now the only thing that was confirmed was that once you are touched, you cannot commit suicide - you can only die by another's hand. Suicide watch recount-time:

1. Jack tries to throw himself off a bridge, and fails.
2. Michael tries to shoot himself, and fails...at least until "Christian" said he "could go now."
3. Locke tries to hang himself and...well fails for about 5 minutes until Ben lends a helping tug.

• So wait, under those rules, why couldn't Smokey kill Jacob? Could it be, that it would be SUICIDE (dramatic sounds)?!? Hey, if Smokey and Jacob are just two sides of one coin, it might not be so far fetched.

• Awesome new-Jackness that followed: Russian roulette with dynamite! Jack pulled out his Lighthouse-gifted knowledge that Jacob had been watching him since he was a child, so if it was all true about himself being meant for something on the island (and not a lie as Richard had suggested), he couldn't kill himself. What does Jack get for his Jedi tricks? A new recruit! The teams stand:

Darth Locke
1. Sawyer
2. Sayid
3. Claire
4. Random Others
5. Kate?
6. Smoke monster (should definitely be counted more than once. It gets on point for every retarded dinosaur scream it makes)

Jack
1. Hurley
2. Sun
3. Jin (I don't think this is a stretch)
4. Ilana
5. Lupidus
6. Miles
7. Richard
8. Ben?!?

• Wait...Ben? Smokey visits Ben digging his own grave and gives him a way out. Curiously, he doesn't offer Ben a seat on his ship out of town, but offers Ben more power in what is presumably Jacob's vacant caretaker position of the island. I say presumably because it is only implied, and yet could also very well mean Smokey's job if he succeeds in leaving the island. Why can't Ben leave? This would fit in nicely to the whole "Locke's resurrection in Jacob's role and Ben's ascension to MIB status" for the series finale idea I had been thinking about.

• After "getting the jump" on Ilana, Ben does something his on-island persona has never done before: he doesn't shoot first, but instead shoots bullets of truth (that was corny, my apologies). He bears his tortured soul, and you know, it kind of makes sense. He let his own daughter die for the island - but for what? He hated Jacob for not caring or helping, but also realizes that he was sad and confused when he stabbed him. Ilana does a very Jacob thing and lets him die...er, I mean forgives him. Ben meanders back to the beach to start the process of mending fences and shelters, and just in the nick of time to see his new leader and former number 2 return. Can't wait for that conversation (awkward).

• What's long, hard, and full of seaman? Charles Widmore's sub!!! Does he have some unfinished business from his first time around, or is on a new mission?

If you made it through this wall-o-text, I salute you. It was a dense and fulfilling episode. Now, I am off to shag a nurse on my lunch break. Toodles!

Now with "Jack beat me again" bruises

The Help

Usually when someone asks me what I do, I usually drop the server/waiter and instead play up the "bartender" aspect; it's all shaking manhattans and schmoozing with execs and their lush wives. This of course, isn't the whole reality.

It's not that I disdain the serving aspect, as I get to mostly chill with my friends and watch Sportscenter's relentless diagnosis of the state of Tiger Wood's sex addiction. It's probably the easiest job I'll ever get, and the pay is pretty good, or at least good for the amount of work one actually does. Most of the members at the country club I work at are pretty likable and easy to chat with, but you always run into that one person that just makes you question why the hell you signed up for a job where you are at the mercy of somebody's whims.

Last weekend this chick sat down in the empty restaurant area for some drinks and to wait for her two friends/coworkers. My co-server got her first drink while I was in the kitchen, most likely pilfering french fries. When I returned outside, my buddy was gone and this lady's two friends had arrived. I asked what they would like and they both ordered two glasses of wine.

I return with the wine. As I place the two glasses on the table, the original lady slaps my hand with a good amount of force and yells, "What did I just tell you about putting your fingers on my glass!?"

The sudden jolt of being touched as well as the venom with which she yelled left me wide eyed and backing up a few steps. It was like being bitten by a bitch of a snake. I must have given her my best "WTF" face, as she followed up with, "Oh were you not the waiter that gave me my glass? You must simply know that you should never put your fingers anywhere on the wine glass." Her friends that had just joined her were noticeably as confused as I was at the sudden outburst. I forced out, "Well I guess I don't know how to do my job," and stalked back toward the kitchen.

I found my co-server had returned to the bar and asked him, "Did you just see that?"

His response, "Yeah, that bitch just slapped me as well. I put the glass down and she nailed me."

So that's what happened; she, in her immediate disregard of the people who were attending to her, thought I was my co-server who had not heeded her warning the first time around, thus incurring the full brunt of her rage at being ignored.

I was steel reeling and furious. Who could be that self-important that they could be so demeaning to another person?

Though my co-server was willing to let it slide, I brought it up as soon as our Food and Beverage director walked through. I asked, "Do you see those ladies?"

"Oh man, we've had a few run-ins with them before," he responded.

"You should probably go ask Keenan (my co-server) what just happened, then."

"Oh, fantastic..."

After word of the story spread around the club like wildfire, all the managers were in agreement that they had no idea what to do or how to even broach it to the lady, but it was something they had never encountered before.



The food and bev. director took it upon himself (with a recording iPod in his pocket) to confront the woman. She immediately goes into complete denial, asking who could say such a thing about her. Then, suddenly as if being flipped like a switch, she changes her tune and says, "Oh well maybe I did, but your help shouldn't be touching the glasses with their finger." 

My boss went into a silent rage and he marched her to our station. He called me and Keenan to come out and accept her apology. In what has to be one of the most awkward things I have ever encountered, she takes my hand and strokes, all the while saying that she was just trying to get her point across. I told her, "I guess we just aren't used to be treated like that around here."

The HELP - that's what she called us! Come to find out that she wasn't even a member of the club, and that she was there after being part of a seminar on etiquette. She was so warped by her zealotry to what was proper, that she was willing to strike and berate another human in the must offensive and improper ways.

Not a week before this incident, I was called a "fag" by a 11 year old that had skipped out on golf practice because I wouldn't give him free food, five minutes after him and his accomplice were bragging about using their golf clubs to fish turtles out of the pond and stuff them in ant piles and flattening them on the road.

People get a little bit of money and it warps their whole gene pool and gives them the authority to treat us like slaves. No matter how many good days you can have out there, because of the nature of the job I'll potentially have to potentially serve and bartend for assholes that will ruin your day. Anyone would deserve better than that.

Lost: "Sundown": Recap

Can he be redeemed?

Of all characters, Sayid is probably the most likeable quasi-villains any T.V. show has ever had; and yes, after tonight's viewing, I have to conclude that in his current "state(s)," Sayid's scale has tipped a little to far toward dark side. Ok lets get real, if his scale was a little off-balance at the beginning of the episode, by it's end there must have a big fat black rock weighing down on one side. From Republican Guard torturer-extraordinaire, to suave island-technology guru and lover to hot blond trust-fund asthmatics, to down and dirty assassin and kid-shooter - Sayid's whole journey has been tipping those scales all over the place. One moment his getting down and dirty with Shannon, the next his busting caps for hire on the back nine.

I still have my doubts though; Sayid's sudden shift seemed a little too arch-villainy for my liking. Then again, perhaps that is the point. As Dogen tells our doomed Lostie, once you hear "him" speak, it's already too late. Whatever Dogen and the other temple-dwellers feared was that thing that was lying dormant within Sayid - that thing that remained hidden next to his heart - has been activated by hearing the smooth-talking Smokey. It's sort of like having an Alien face-hugger implanting a chest-burster, but instead of flying chest particles you just turn evil  from the mere words of the entity that brought you back - the entity that implanted it there in the first place. Of course, that is also a common thread we have here with our suddenly evil cast of castaways: they were seemingly "dead."

1.  Sayid was drowned and clammy for 2 hours before shooting awake. 
2. Claire was a-sploded in New Otherton, only to turn up next to her spectral Daddy.
3.  Locke was killed by Ben, but Smokey has been taking his form out for a test drive. 

It begs the question: is Sayid really alive? Zombies!

The Sundown: Off Island

• Following the mold of the other alternate reality Losties' stories so far, this Sayid is a little smoother around the edges. He doesn't seem to have tortured past with Nadia (get it), he brings his niece and nephew sweet (dangerous) toys, and most importantly: he has his violence switch in check. 
• His brother wants him to rough up his loan-shark? No thanks, says this Sayid (even though it probably would work out better for him if his douche brother were out of his way). At several critical points in this new-reality story, Sayid is given the opportunity to do violence as a means to an end, and he refuses. It is not until he himself, as well as Nadia and the kids, are threatened that he takes action in there defense rather than cold blood. 
• Why did he push his bro to marry Nadia? Sayid self-righteously asserts that because of his sins, he does not deserve a life with her. Unlike in his former life where he tortured Nadia and tried to seek her for himself without fully taking a penance, this Sayid instead has spent his his years after the Republican Guard atoning for what he had done. Or has he? There was still a bit of ambiguity with his job, but perhaps for now we should take him at his word until proven otherwise that he is "translator."
• What if, by choosing to not be with Nadia, Sayid has ultimately saved her life in this new reality? He had a bad string of luck with the ladies he has loved (Shannon/Nadia), and it's almost as if karma has been blue-balling Sayid; maybe the horrors he committed were just too awful. Hell, those tortures and his lovers' deaths were even BEFORE he became an assassin and shot a kid. In this new reality, Sayid seems to have hit that fork in the road and chosen "pacifism unless really F'd with," over wanton violence and kid shooting. Hey, maybe the only way for him to be with Nadia was to not be with her. The sill love each other though, which might be all the counts. 
• The Keamy/Sayid death part deaux echoed an idea that I threw out there in the Locke episode a few weeks back when I wondered whether or not Rose and other peripheral characters would still have the same fate. Rose has terminal cancer in both realities, and Keamy dies by Sayid's hand in both realities; I wonder if Dr. Linus is going to push a cripple down the school steps?
• Hey, actual cross-castaway story progression! Jin ended up in Keamy's freezer. Guess he fell for "Keamy's Kash 4 Gold" scam. 

The Sundown: On Island

• Samurai vs. Assassin? Yes please! By far the best choreographed fight scene since Ben getting punched in the face (the twentieth time, of course), Sayid and Dogen busted out some sweet Matrix leg sweeps and gurney dives. Of course, just when I yell, "FINISH HIM," Dogen doesn't have the ball(s) to do it. Did remembering his son's death really make him beg off? Or was it the memory of Jacob's offer and the fact that Sayid still was a candidate?
•  Sayid is once again led to do dirty work again. First, he is seemingly tricked by Dogen to maybe getting slain on purpose by Darth Locke. I for one do not think this was the case (more Smokey misdirection), as Dogen should have known if Sayid had "darkness" about to take over, Smokey was probably not going to keep him as a prized recruit rather than kill. To me, it's more probably that it was a last ditch effort to try something that was ultimately futile, as Jacob's magical swords have no effect once he is dead and the water has turned a nice poo-shade.
• In terms of info on our favorite deities, the big news is that one side views smokey as the "evil incarnate" that will slay everyone on the island, while Smokey goes about offering seemingly impossible things for the sake of fealty, just like his nemesis Jacob did with Dogen. I was still sort of playing with the idea that like Republicans and Democracts, both sides were portraying the other as more extreme than they actually were: Jacob uses misdirection and is willing to kill a lot of people for a sake of a few to get what he wants, while Smokey just wants to kill EVERYTHING; after the wanton slaughter though, I am going to have to side with team Jacob. Does it make me a bad person that I loved the smokey storming the citadel scene so much though? I hope that one day the audience is treated with an actual transformation between the MIB's Smoke and Locke forms.
• RIP Dogen and Lennon. In what seemed almost as nefariously comical as Anakin's nonsensical turn to Darth Vader in Episode III, Sayid went suddenly off the deep end with his own force-choke and neck-filet. I wonder if there was more to the conversation after Smokey promised him that he could have anything (clearly there was, as Sayid returns to the temple with a message for the masses and a raging vendetta). For such a well-liked character, it seems a pretty sad and sudden turn. Sayid, like Sawyer, was awesome for his ability to see through people's B.S.; unlike Saywer (who hasn't died and suddenly risen) one wonders whether Sayid really had a chance when coming face to face with Smokey. With Jacob dead, there was only one other entity that we know of that could have the power to raise the dead; perhaps with his promise and his magically forked tongue (think about that, ladies), Smokey has awoken that which he had implanted within Sayid, and thus consolidated his power over him until the moment of Smokey (or his) demise (re-demise?). Quick, someone get Shanon's inhaler and spray him in the face!
• Claire = creepier? She was singing that song that Kate would sing to get Aaron to sleep. Other than that, girl needs some Selsun Blue. 
• Out of seemingly nowhere, Team Sun appeared and escaped (via secret passageway - thanks Jacob!) with our remaining temple crew in tow sans-Kate. Were they with Locke outside? Won't he know they are nearby and fleeing? Speaking of which, apparently Kate lucked out: Smokey can only go is straight lines and not down when he is raging (sort of like that game snake on old cell-phones).

I know Lost loves Star Wars, so this episode wreaked of "Empire Strikes Back." You would think that after Sayid made one deal with the devil (Ben), that he would know better. Right now, my money is on that ultimately, Sayid would have no real say in the matter: his soul had already been claimed. Hopefully, it can still be saved by Jack.

Until next week...

 

Have you seen my sleeves?