Monday, April 20, 2009

Spurs: A Treatise on Beards

It's pretty obvious: David Stern has found ways to make beards a marketable commodity. This occurred to me when I was sitting there watching the Spurs lax on defense and blow another lead; I wondered if the quality of beards in the NBA was any indication of the level of potential for the team it represented. It also gave me an excuse to finally blame Gregg Popovich's crazed Civil-War era beard.

Despite my loathing of Phil Jackson, he keeps a manicured powerstache - the thing just commands respect. Its street name is Diablo's Tickler. Contrary to that is Pop's unkempt nest. Its style is elusive and its color patchy. If he had a harem of feral cats living in his yard, it would not be surprising.

These varying degrees of beard can show confidence or reveal the lack of it. Clearly Ginoboli wouldn't have come back too soon and hurt himself if he had still had that confidence that rehabbing his leg would actually be better for the team; it was a confidence sapped by Pop's lack of bearded-authority. I am pretty sure the beard also stole Tony Parker's ability to understand English, and thus, his inability understand plays. Tim Duncan doesn't even keep his conditioning up because he is high as a kite thinking about those pictures of Mehmet Okur that Fabricio Oberto gave him.

Ok so sure Ginobili's health was probably compounded by him playing in the Olympics, and Timmy's health wasn't helped by the fact that they have no depth at his position or at center. What the Spurs now have waning production due to injury of one of the league's top men - one of the best in history - as well as no viable third option now that Ginobili is out.

Still, Pop could have groomed the beard. I don't expect to win the playoffs with all the injuries, but at least I wanted the team to go with some class. Pop is making a mockery of the NBA's new business model, and I had hoped the league's best beard would be our undoing.

You can't blame the NBA for hooking up with the Just for Men's ad-department. Seriously, that stuff was golden in the NFL.

1 comment:

  1. ahaha. well done, sir. and i completely agree too.