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| On bachelor parties and the hookerpocolyse |
Showing posts with label Austin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Austin. Show all posts
Monday, September 19, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Austinite's Guide to Surviving SXSW
For an Austin local, SXSW always brings a mixed bag to the table.
SXSW's allure for the local is this "hip," nationally recognized venue dedicated to music, parties, movies, parties, technology, and blogging about SXSW at parties - all in your backyard. If you are a UT frat boy whose parents have deep pockets, it's the ultimate playground; hell if you are any sort of shade of "mildly handsome," the blogging gargoyles the event attracts from all over the world will pose little competition in your quest to cross "alternative girl" off your bucket list.
But if you are like most locals without the pockets to afford the wristband or the "all-access" badge, SXSW can quickly bring out one's inner xenophobe. Thus, I have compiled a survival guide with a few tips and tricks to getting through the corporate spring break known as SXSW.
Blend in
Like any chameleon, the trick is getting the right shade. The palette to choose from, unfortunately, is pretty damn eclectic. Do you go straight hipster, sacrificing sperm count as you force yourself into your lady's finest skinny jeans? How about rocking a punk's finest fohawk?
OK truth be told, the quickest way to blend is to get sloshy. Why? Because every demographic runs together when you're two sheets and can't tell a Jabba from a Princess Leia.
Listen, I don't condone binge drinking; SXSW is just one of those events where chugging coincides with eliminating the supreme annoyance of foreign yuppies and their insistence that the shitty British band you are listening to is the next Oasis. So if you fancy yourself a liquid warrior, go forth and PI your way to ignorant bliss - it makes telling your friends that you hooked up with a sea cow that much more forgivable.
SXSW's allure for the local is this "hip," nationally recognized venue dedicated to music, parties, movies, parties, technology, and blogging about SXSW at parties - all in your backyard. If you are a UT frat boy whose parents have deep pockets, it's the ultimate playground; hell if you are any sort of shade of "mildly handsome," the blogging gargoyles the event attracts from all over the world will pose little competition in your quest to cross "alternative girl" off your bucket list.
 | ||||
| SXSW's 2010 Tech Summit All-Star Gargoyle declares the iPad2 "best mobile porn device" |
But if you are like most locals without the pockets to afford the wristband or the "all-access" badge, SXSW can quickly bring out one's inner xenophobe. Thus, I have compiled a survival guide with a few tips and tricks to getting through the corporate spring break known as SXSW.
Blend in
Like any chameleon, the trick is getting the right shade. The palette to choose from, unfortunately, is pretty damn eclectic. Do you go straight hipster, sacrificing sperm count as you force yourself into your lady's finest skinny jeans? How about rocking a punk's finest fohawk?
OK truth be told, the quickest way to blend is to get sloshy. Why? Because every demographic runs together when you're two sheets and can't tell a Jabba from a Princess Leia.
Listen, I don't condone binge drinking; SXSW is just one of those events where chugging coincides with eliminating the supreme annoyance of foreign yuppies and their insistence that the shitty British band you are listening to is the next Oasis. So if you fancy yourself a liquid warrior, go forth and PI your way to ignorant bliss - it makes telling your friends that you hooked up with a sea cow that much more forgivable.
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| Hey, that's not Natalie Portman! |
Work for the "man"
You don't belong - you have accepted that.; you can't tell the Foo Fighters from Nickleback, or Ice Cube from Juvenile. Yet there is a way to appear like you know what's going on: be a part of the extensive SXSW staff!
That's right, you're official now! That dangling badge around your neck might as well be made of diamonds; people who look at you will think you know what's going on, will now nod less aloofly when you proclaim "next year, Guns N' Roses!", and men/women may even throw themselves at you to get them in the "back door." Basically, the suits figured out a way to laminate "popular," and now it's around your neck!
Wait, they didn't tell you are working the door at that sketchy West 6th biker-bar that was almost shut down because of a "shanking" last week? The band that's playing is a metal/techno fusion group called "Painscab Superbleed?" Why is no one else but you concerned about the toothless man puking on your foot?
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| It's like "Cheers," but with more bleeding and crying. |
My bad, I must have forgotten to tell you. As just another faceless staff member and low man on the totem poll, you pretty much just resigned yourself to the worst venues at the worst times!
Enjoy the the SXSW SARS from all those mouth-breathers! Oh, and that badge cannot be destroyed, even if you throw it in to the fires of mount doom.
Bunker Down
"OK," you say to yourself, "I am going to facestab the next guy in an affliction t-shirt."
Well in that case, friend, maybe it's best to treat SXSW week as a mock zombie-apocalypse. Throw out a "no event parking" sign on your lawn, gather all the necessities you would need if you were under siege, and find that serious gun-collecting friend with a mild twitch and request some "heavy ordinance."
All that's left is to wait it out.
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| Hey, this will be easy! |
Dr. Pepper after Dr. Pepper courses through you as you plow through hours of life-sustaining video-gaming. Those whispers you had told your mother you suppressed long ago start to become louder, beating like a drum in your ears, "Screw them, who needs people."
You begin to distrust your dog.
What hour is it? You can hear sounds of laughter and music in the distance, but you know that joy to be false.
You are the only one that is real.
Clothes...who needs them? Ah, that feels good, doesn't it?
You know what else feels good? Taking that squirrel's life. He's taunting you, you know.
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| STOP LAUGHING AT ME! |
-----
Days after the police arrest you for indecent exposure while you were feeding on that squirrel, you can decide for yourself whether or not a psychotic break was worth more than a wristband or "all-access" badge.
It's wasn't.
Happy SXSW 2011!
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Spurs: Midseason Report Card
At 47-10, the Spurs are still hold the best record in the league; by anyone's standard, that alone should earn the Spurs top marks in the way they have handled the the transition to a faster-paced, inside-out pick-and-roll game.
Regardless, I think it is a good exercise to go through the roster individually and analyze some strengths and weaknesses, and what the Spurs might do to assure a title shot.
The Big 3
Tim Duncan:
Timmy's stats have significantly lowered with the conservative amount of minutes he is playing, but his game is still making those around him better. He truly has been a force on the defensive end, blocking shots and pounding the boards harder than I think I have seen him in a couple of years (also probably attributed to his limited use).
Though his offensive production has contracted, his high ball-IQ in the pick and roll game and passing ability have confounded defenses and built up the numbers and confidence of his teammates, like DeJuan Blaire. He still commands a ton of respect from defenses, and still has the ability to take over games when he is feeling it. Timmy hasn't been as accurate around the rim as in years past, but he is making up for it by grabbing offensive boards or drawing fouls. Consequently, he is also doing better at the foul-line than he has in four years.
Grade: A-
Manu Ginobili
People often like to think that the Spurs go as Manu does, and the numbers so far do not lie. Of the Spurs 10 losses this season, 7 of those came when Manu scored under 11 points. Conversely, the Spurs have proven almost unbeatable when he scores more than 20.
When Manu is clicking, he not only hits his own daggers and crazy lay-ups, but he is also dishing it out wide for some open 3 point looks. Unlike Tony Parker, Ginobili is such an asset because he really can thrive in almost any line-up that Pop throws out there. Be it an orchestrater of the pick-and-roll, or a sniper from the arc, Ginobili is the most fluid, and thus most important player on the team. He is not only the Spurs leading scorer, but has supplanted Duncan as the "go-to" guy for the final shot. Yes, Ginobili ocassionaly gets a little too flippant with the ball with inexplicable turnovers, but he wouldn't be the improviser and highlight maker he is without a little bit of that gun-slinging attitude.
Thankfully, he isn't flopping as much (which he had been decried for league wide), but he does rely on contact and expects whistles to bail him out on occasion. Keeping him healthy is a top priority, so I could see his minutes decrease as the playoff's approach and the Spurs close in on that number one seed; his reduced presence will probably yield more losses down the stretch, but Pop and the Spurs' staff are historically unconcerned with appearances in terms of the final tally of W's - especially if they have already cemented the top spot in the West.
Grade: A+
Tony Parker
It appears the Spurs have benefited from Tony's off-season turmoil. The "French Philanderer" has had to shift his priorities away from the Hollywood spotlight and back to working on his game, which has notably improved from his injury-laden 2009 campaign. His offensive numbers are virtually identical to Ginobili's - he sits at 975 to Manu's 1001 points scored this year (obviously Manu's efficiency has benefited from his 115 3-pointers made, to Tony's only 15 ). Simply, his scoring is essential (pun intended).
In relation to Ginobili, Parker's only real knock on his game this season is that he isn't nearly as good of a defender (even backup George Hill has cemented playing time because he is so much better than Parker for on the ball defending). Parker also suffers from an inconsistent 3 point shot, so he is much more liable to become one-dimensional if teams can successfully cut off his driving lanes. If Parker's speed doesn't fail him this year, he'll be a tough cover for some of the older point guards out West.
Grade: A
X-Factors
DeJuan Blair
Let's face facts, DeJuan Blair is being groomed to one day competely take over for Timmy D. I know it's hard to think about the post-Duncan era, but it is only a few years away (maybe closer if he wins one more title); Pop and Spurs management know this, so they have been slowly working in DeJuan Blair. Essentially, the production that Duncan use to have is now being split amongst himself and Blair, and it is impressive for a sophomore in the league to already be that dependable.
It seems counterintuitive to say, but a no-ACL Blair has some surprising agility and finesse around the rim. Most kids would quit if they already had two ACL-removing surgeries in HS, so it really speaks to the kind of player Blair is for persevereing and getting better at his craft despite his perceived limitations. He has has changed my preconceptions on the necessity of knee ligaments, and I am now convinced they are vestigial. If anyone needs some, contact me - I think we can work out a fair price.
The biggest problem to DeJuan's game is staying in it; he has wracked up fouls faster than Richard Jefferson, and it's mostly off ticky-tack reach in's. Look for him to get better, and play a bigger role in the playoffs.
Grade: B+
George Hill
With the emergence of Gary Neal, George Hill has become less of a factor on the offensive side of the ball; yet, his value has been immeasurable when Pop uses him as the sub who facilitates the transition to the more defensive minded, three point chunking second unit. I was starting to think that they were trying to turn him into the next Tony Parker, but his game more resembles Rajon Rondo's; Hill is just more ball-movement and defensive minded. He doesn't look for his shot first, but he has the potential to get hot from behind the arc and really give the second unit a boost.
What Hill really needs to improve on is calling his own plays once and awhile. He can be a bit too selfless, and he really needs to assert himself more in the offense when the rest of the second unit isn't clicking; the Spurs second unit has been known to stagnate and give teams a sliver of hope.
Also, George Hill might be part Alien.
Score: B+
Gary Neal
Gary Neal sort of reminds me of the old "Ninja," Sean Elliot, in that he is a total assassin from the three point line. How many times this season has he brought the ball up the court and, on a dime, laser a 3-pointer home. Neal has a more automatic and faster looking shot than Ray Allen at times.
He is one of those "old" rookies that have spent their time honing their craft overseas for 3 or 4 years. (Stefon voice) It's not like that kind of thing when really old people start taking college classes and ask an obnoxious amount of questions because they are terrified by their ability to learn new things.
The best part about his game is that it's completely unexpected from a rookie. Do you think that at the start of the year, Spurs management though that Gary Neal would be averaging 10.6 points in 21 minutes? His presence alone has vaulted S.A. to being a 100+ point, league-leading offense.
Like DeJuan Blair, Gary Neal has a tendency to foul himself out of playing time; he has a ways to go as a man-to-man defender, but if he stays on the floor he can really be dangerous. His best lineup appears to be any where Manu Ginobili is drawing defenders and creating.
Score: A-
Ridin' the Pine
Matt Bonner
Where DeJuan Blair has risen above his bum knees, I don't think Matt Bonner will ever live down his nick-names. He was probably tormented as a kid for being a ginger with a last name that looks and sounds eerily like "boner." Matt broke through those barriers, finally making it to the big stage - the NBA; hey, he even landed on championship caliber team with a city that matched his unassuming nature.
Only to be called the "Red Rocket."
I am appreciative that the Spurs acquired the 3 point percentage leading in the league. Now, I can giggle to myself whenever I am driving home from work at night and listening to a game on the radio, only to hear "Splash-down for the Red Rocket" every time he nails a three. Poor boner.
Grade: B
He was much hyped when word came of his signing last summer. The giant kid with a Rocky bad-guy name (and voice) and big time Europe experience was coming to the Spurs - another drafting coupe.
Tiago, in his rookie year, is much like Gary Neal in age and experience. Unlike Neal, however, the transition hasn't been as fluid. A language barrier might be a problem (it took Pop a whole year of racial slurs in French to break Parker), but they still aren't comfortable running sets with him. Do not get me wrong, Splitter has an upside similar and maybe greater to Pau Gasol's, but it's going to take time.
Right now, he looks a little caught up in the moment and almost like he is so excited to be out there he doesn't know what to do with the ball.
Exhibit A - welcome to the danger zone:
Grade (based on video): B-
Richard Jefferson:
I really don't know what it is about "R.J" but I just can't stand him. He fails at dunking at least 20 times a year, and then has the audacity to exclaim "aiiiiyand one" in a high-pitched squeal every time that he goes to the rim.
I still might be bitter about last year. Then again, he did opt-out of his contract and took less money to become the good "Bruce Bowen" clone they wanted him to be. It took a lot of beating a square peg into a round hole, but Jefferson finally fits "comfortably" in the system.
But dammit, that tattoo is attrocious:
Regardless, I think it is a good exercise to go through the roster individually and analyze some strengths and weaknesses, and what the Spurs might do to assure a title shot.
The Big 3
Tim Duncan:
Timmy's stats have significantly lowered with the conservative amount of minutes he is playing, but his game is still making those around him better. He truly has been a force on the defensive end, blocking shots and pounding the boards harder than I think I have seen him in a couple of years (also probably attributed to his limited use).
Though his offensive production has contracted, his high ball-IQ in the pick and roll game and passing ability have confounded defenses and built up the numbers and confidence of his teammates, like DeJuan Blaire. He still commands a ton of respect from defenses, and still has the ability to take over games when he is feeling it. Timmy hasn't been as accurate around the rim as in years past, but he is making up for it by grabbing offensive boards or drawing fouls. Consequently, he is also doing better at the foul-line than he has in four years.
 |
| Wait, that's not Tim Duncan. |
Grade: A-
Manu Ginobili
People often like to think that the Spurs go as Manu does, and the numbers so far do not lie. Of the Spurs 10 losses this season, 7 of those came when Manu scored under 11 points. Conversely, the Spurs have proven almost unbeatable when he scores more than 20.
When Manu is clicking, he not only hits his own daggers and crazy lay-ups, but he is also dishing it out wide for some open 3 point looks. Unlike Tony Parker, Ginobili is such an asset because he really can thrive in almost any line-up that Pop throws out there. Be it an orchestrater of the pick-and-roll, or a sniper from the arc, Ginobili is the most fluid, and thus most important player on the team. He is not only the Spurs leading scorer, but has supplanted Duncan as the "go-to" guy for the final shot. Yes, Ginobili ocassionaly gets a little too flippant with the ball with inexplicable turnovers, but he wouldn't be the improviser and highlight maker he is without a little bit of that gun-slinging attitude.
Thankfully, he isn't flopping as much (which he had been decried for league wide), but he does rely on contact and expects whistles to bail him out on occasion. Keeping him healthy is a top priority, so I could see his minutes decrease as the playoff's approach and the Spurs close in on that number one seed; his reduced presence will probably yield more losses down the stretch, but Pop and the Spurs' staff are historically unconcerned with appearances in terms of the final tally of W's - especially if they have already cemented the top spot in the West.
 |
| Cool off, you are doing a great job down there. |
Grade: A+
Tony Parker
It appears the Spurs have benefited from Tony's off-season turmoil. The "French Philanderer" has had to shift his priorities away from the Hollywood spotlight and back to working on his game, which has notably improved from his injury-laden 2009 campaign. His offensive numbers are virtually identical to Ginobili's - he sits at 975 to Manu's 1001 points scored this year (obviously Manu's efficiency has benefited from his 115 3-pointers made, to Tony's only 15 ). Simply, his scoring is essential (pun intended).
 |
| Awkward |
Parker's speed is back to form, and his finishing around the rim has been remarkable at times (his stop-and-pop floater is the best in the league). If Parker is penetrating consistently (pun intended?) then it's virtually over for the opposition. Teams that fair the best against Parker fair better against the Spurs; those ball clubs with highly athletic interior players (Portland, 76ers, New Orleans, Bulls) are best suited to removing the lanes from Parker and Ginobili. Thankfully, only New Orleans really threatens the Spurs come the playoffs.
In relation to Ginobili, Parker's only real knock on his game this season is that he isn't nearly as good of a defender (even backup George Hill has cemented playing time because he is so much better than Parker for on the ball defending). Parker also suffers from an inconsistent 3 point shot, so he is much more liable to become one-dimensional if teams can successfully cut off his driving lanes. If Parker's speed doesn't fail him this year, he'll be a tough cover for some of the older point guards out West.
Grade: A
X-Factors
DeJuan Blair
Let's face facts, DeJuan Blair is being groomed to one day competely take over for Timmy D. I know it's hard to think about the post-Duncan era, but it is only a few years away (maybe closer if he wins one more title); Pop and Spurs management know this, so they have been slowly working in DeJuan Blair. Essentially, the production that Duncan use to have is now being split amongst himself and Blair, and it is impressive for a sophomore in the league to already be that dependable.
It seems counterintuitive to say, but a no-ACL Blair has some surprising agility and finesse around the rim. Most kids would quit if they already had two ACL-removing surgeries in HS, so it really speaks to the kind of player Blair is for persevereing and getting better at his craft despite his perceived limitations. He has has changed my preconceptions on the necessity of knee ligaments, and I am now convinced they are vestigial. If anyone needs some, contact me - I think we can work out a fair price.
 |
| Wait, he doens't have those things? |
The biggest problem to DeJuan's game is staying in it; he has wracked up fouls faster than Richard Jefferson, and it's mostly off ticky-tack reach in's. Look for him to get better, and play a bigger role in the playoffs.
Grade: B+
George Hill
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| If only there was a cross through that real basketball... |
With the emergence of Gary Neal, George Hill has become less of a factor on the offensive side of the ball; yet, his value has been immeasurable when Pop uses him as the sub who facilitates the transition to the more defensive minded, three point chunking second unit. I was starting to think that they were trying to turn him into the next Tony Parker, but his game more resembles Rajon Rondo's; Hill is just more ball-movement and defensive minded. He doesn't look for his shot first, but he has the potential to get hot from behind the arc and really give the second unit a boost.
What Hill really needs to improve on is calling his own plays once and awhile. He can be a bit too selfless, and he really needs to assert himself more in the offense when the rest of the second unit isn't clicking; the Spurs second unit has been known to stagnate and give teams a sliver of hope.
Also, George Hill might be part Alien.
Score: B+
Gary Neal
Gary Neal sort of reminds me of the old "Ninja," Sean Elliot, in that he is a total assassin from the three point line. How many times this season has he brought the ball up the court and, on a dime, laser a 3-pointer home. Neal has a more automatic and faster looking shot than Ray Allen at times.
He is one of those "old" rookies that have spent their time honing their craft overseas for 3 or 4 years. (Stefon voice) It's not like that kind of thing when really old people start taking college classes and ask an obnoxious amount of questions because they are terrified by their ability to learn new things.
The best part about his game is that it's completely unexpected from a rookie. Do you think that at the start of the year, Spurs management though that Gary Neal would be averaging 10.6 points in 21 minutes? His presence alone has vaulted S.A. to being a 100+ point, league-leading offense.
Like DeJuan Blair, Gary Neal has a tendency to foul himself out of playing time; he has a ways to go as a man-to-man defender, but if he stays on the floor he can really be dangerous. His best lineup appears to be any where Manu Ginobili is drawing defenders and creating.
Score: A-
Ridin' the Pine
Matt Bonner
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| Yep, looks like a penis. |
Only to be called the "Red Rocket."
I am appreciative that the Spurs acquired the 3 point percentage leading in the league. Now, I can giggle to myself whenever I am driving home from work at night and listening to a game on the radio, only to hear "Splash-down for the Red Rocket" every time he nails a three. Poor boner.
Grade: B
Tiago Splitter
He was much hyped when word came of his signing last summer. The giant kid with a Rocky bad-guy name (and voice) and big time Europe experience was coming to the Spurs - another drafting coupe.
Tiago, in his rookie year, is much like Gary Neal in age and experience. Unlike Neal, however, the transition hasn't been as fluid. A language barrier might be a problem (it took Pop a whole year of racial slurs in French to break Parker), but they still aren't comfortable running sets with him. Do not get me wrong, Splitter has an upside similar and maybe greater to Pau Gasol's, but it's going to take time.
Right now, he looks a little caught up in the moment and almost like he is so excited to be out there he doesn't know what to do with the ball.
Exhibit A - welcome to the danger zone:
Grade (based on video): B-
Richard Jefferson:
I really don't know what it is about "R.J" but I just can't stand him. He fails at dunking at least 20 times a year, and then has the audacity to exclaim "aiiiiyand one" in a high-pitched squeal every time that he goes to the rim.
I still might be bitter about last year. Then again, he did opt-out of his contract and took less money to become the good "Bruce Bowen" clone they wanted him to be. It took a lot of beating a square peg into a round hole, but Jefferson finally fits "comfortably" in the system.
But dammit, that tattoo is attrocious:
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| Aiiiiiyand ugly |
Grade: B
Final Thoughts
At this point in the season, what we can take away from the Spurs is that they are a deep and capable mixture of established and seasoned veterans, and confident young-guns. If they can stay healthy and secure the home court advantage, it'll be smooth sailing until meeting Dallas in the conference finals.
Aiiiiiiyand done.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Dark Knight Rises casts Catwoman and Bane!
Aintitcool news has the story:
Not really sure how that sits at the moment. Those characters just seem a little too campy for that series style, but if there is anyone who can ground them into realism, it's Christopher Nolan.
Warner Bros. Pictures announced today that Anne Hathaway has been cast as Selina Kyle in Christopher Nolan’s “The Dark Knight Rises.” She will be starring alongside Christian Bale, who returns in the title role of Bruce Wayne/Batman. Christopher Nolan stated, “I am thrilled to have the opportunity to work with Anne Hathaway, who will be a fantastic addition to our ensemble as we complete our story.”In addition, Tom Hardy has been set to play Bane. Nolan said, “I am delighted to be working with Tom again and excited to watch him bring to life our new interpretation of one of Batman’s most formidable enemies.” Nolan will direct the film from a screenplay he wrote with Jonathan Nolan, from a story by Christopher Nolan and David S. Goyer. Nolan will also produce the film with his longtime producing partner, Emma Thomas, and Charles Roven. “The Dark Knight Rises” is slated for release on July 20, 2012. The film will be distributed worldwide by Warner Bros. Pictures, a Warner Bros. Entertainment Company.
Not really sure how that sits at the moment. Those characters just seem a little too campy for that series style, but if there is anyone who can ground them into realism, it's Christopher Nolan.
YTMND Weekly #8
- Even Hip-Hop is made better with a little Walken: Listen muddafucka
- (NSFW)Dr. Phil does not like to be upstaged by the Cleveland Cavaliers: You Blow This
- I probably will never try Vince Young's restaurant here in Austin, but I hear Dr. Dre's is pretty legit: Hold up! Wait a Minute...
- Had to break the Hip Hop Theme: Chinese Guy Get's Into It
- So to sum it up: The Most Annoying Pop-Star in the World
Monday, January 17, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
Chris Evans as Cpt. America!
Straight out of Entertainment Weekly comes this semi-official shot of Chris Evans as Captain America: The First Avenger.
You might remember Evans as the Human Torch in what can only be described as cinematic abortions - The Fantastic Four movies. He easily was the best fit for that role as the charismatic-but-reckless Torch, it's just too bad the film surrounding that character were so awful.
Thankfully, those movies have been swept under the rug and dubbed "non-canon" since Marvel studios started to acquire the assets and licenses to do their own characters justice. The suit looks pretty amazing for the WWII-era superhero film, but I could do without the tiny cherub wings over the ear - they look a bit tramp-stampy.
Look forward to seeing how America and the suit will evolve over his movie and into the Avengers-era.
For a bonus, here is some studio concept art of what Hugo Weaving will look like as the Capt. America bad guy and Nazi, the Red Skull.
The movie is released on July 22nd, 2011.
You might remember Evans as the Human Torch in what can only be described as cinematic abortions - The Fantastic Four movies. He easily was the best fit for that role as the charismatic-but-reckless Torch, it's just too bad the film surrounding that character were so awful.
Thankfully, those movies have been swept under the rug and dubbed "non-canon" since Marvel studios started to acquire the assets and licenses to do their own characters justice. The suit looks pretty amazing for the WWII-era superhero film, but I could do without the tiny cherub wings over the ear - they look a bit tramp-stampy.
Look forward to seeing how America and the suit will evolve over his movie and into the Avengers-era.
For a bonus, here is some studio concept art of what Hugo Weaving will look like as the Capt. America bad guy and Nazi, the Red Skull.
The movie is released on July 22nd, 2011.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Is "True Blood" filming behind my condo?
I feel as if my inquisitive nature may get me killed...
There is an abandoned lot nearby to my condo that I like to take my dog and throw rocks and sticks until I wear his furry butt out. This lot is vast and open, with some nice eye-candy:
Pretty cool, right? Very few know about it, so my dog and I get it to ourselves almost anytime that we want. Unfortunately, there has been some creepiness as of late.
In order to get to this "park," we have to cross in between the property lines of these two condo units along a trail that flanks a small stream. Recently, more and more weird shit has started to appear along this trail.
For those who dare enter, there is now an ominous arrow that points you down the path. What lies ahead?
Well, the only way to the empty lot is through the damn trail. A bit farther down I noticed something strung up on the fence:
There in the clearing, I found a fire pit surrounded by chairs facing what seemed to be a modified outdoor fireplace. I slowly walked over, while my dog went about urinating on the child's green stepping stool.
I inched closer to the red vial. There was a stopper in the shape of a green apple, and inside there sloshed a syrupy liquid. My pulse quickened - my "get to the choppa'"instinct taking hold. As I turned to step away quickly, my foot landed on something hard that almost turned my ankle:
Realizing what it was, I stifled a manly yelp and kicked the bone; unfortunately, my dog thought this part of a game, and it took me another 5 minutes to pry it out of his mouth. He clearly wasn't happy to be free of the bone, and expressed his displeasure by defecating near the fire pit. We fled the little clearing of horrors, not wanting to encounter the beast(s) capable of such madness.
As soon as I reached home, I ironically uncorked a bottle of red to ease my nerves. Turning over what I had seen, while using my anthropological training, I could only come up with a few conclusions:
Thinking back, there was something else I had found that points to it being #2:
Do vampires shit in the woods?
There is an abandoned lot nearby to my condo that I like to take my dog and throw rocks and sticks until I wear his furry butt out. This lot is vast and open, with some nice eye-candy:
 |
| Come on, honey! Let's go have a picnic and watch the bark fall off the the dead tree! |
Pretty cool, right? Very few know about it, so my dog and I get it to ourselves almost anytime that we want. Unfortunately, there has been some creepiness as of late.
In order to get to this "park," we have to cross in between the property lines of these two condo units along a trail that flanks a small stream. Recently, more and more weird shit has started to appear along this trail.
For those who dare enter, there is now an ominous arrow that points you down the path. What lies ahead?
 | |
| That wasn't there yesterday... |
Well, the only way to the empty lot is through the damn trail. A bit farther down I noticed something strung up on the fence:
 |
| Is that "Purple Drank?" |
Alright, that's some Blair Witch shit. Clearly it is some talisman or idol used to keep evil spirits or squirrels at bay. Unnerved, I pressed on into the clearing:
 |
| So, does the sacrificial toddler use the stool to jump into the bad mens' fire? |
There in the clearing, I found a fire pit surrounded by chairs facing what seemed to be a modified outdoor fireplace. I slowly walked over, while my dog went about urinating on the child's green stepping stool.
 |
| Ah hell, a vile of blood... |
I inched closer to the red vial. There was a stopper in the shape of a green apple, and inside there sloshed a syrupy liquid. My pulse quickened - my "get to the choppa'"instinct taking hold. As I turned to step away quickly, my foot landed on something hard that almost turned my ankle:
 | ||
| Time to GTFO? Soilent Green is people! |
Realizing what it was, I stifled a manly yelp and kicked the bone; unfortunately, my dog thought this part of a game, and it took me another 5 minutes to pry it out of his mouth. He clearly wasn't happy to be free of the bone, and expressed his displeasure by defecating near the fire pit. We fled the little clearing of horrors, not wanting to encounter the beast(s) capable of such madness.
As soon as I reached home, I ironically uncorked a bottle of red to ease my nerves. Turning over what I had seen, while using my anthropological training, I could only come up with a few conclusions:
- My neighbors are vampires.
- Hobos have begun to form into tribes, organizing new and complex religious and political systems that employ the use of psychedelics and human blood in their cannibalistic rituals .
Thinking back, there was something else I had found that points to it being #2:
 |
| Even monsters need their privacy. |
Do vampires shit in the woods?
First official shot from the new Spider-man!
Looks like they are going for a younger, anti-bulk, more streamlined for agility approach to both the character and the suit - which makes more sense:
Relative newcomer, Andrew Garfield (The Social Network), plays Peter Parker in the film that is scheduled to be released Summer of 2012.
 |
| Are those flaming gloves? |
Relative newcomer, Andrew Garfield (The Social Network), plays Peter Parker in the film that is scheduled to be released Summer of 2012.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Battle: L.A. Trailer 3!
Damn this things looks brutal. All of the trailers for this film have gotten grittier to the point where I feel like this will be a cinematic experience on par with Black Hawk Down in terms of the sheer adrenaline rush and combat anxiety.
Definitely my first "must see" of the year.
Definitely my first "must see" of the year.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Bad 80's: Back in the High Life Again
Big thanks to Always Sunny in Philadelphia for reintroducing me to some real boating music.
From what I can gather from the video, a mullet-bearing Conan O'brien at one point seemed to have a lucrative singing career, but fell on hard times and became homeless living by a railroad. He then tricks some poor lady to wander around and dance in empty factories, until she realizes that he actually doesn't have a home to squire her to, and he is again lonely by the railroad.
What I can be certain of is that I am going to play this song every time I bust-out in poker while I slowly walk away from the table.
From what I can gather from the video, a mullet-bearing Conan O'brien at one point seemed to have a lucrative singing career, but fell on hard times and became homeless living by a railroad. He then tricks some poor lady to wander around and dance in empty factories, until she realizes that he actually doesn't have a home to squire her to, and he is again lonely by the railroad.
What I can be certain of is that I am going to play this song every time I bust-out in poker while I slowly walk away from the table.
Epic Star Wars Episode III Review
One might think that continually bashing the ineptitude of George Lucas and the prequels would get dull after 2 hours of Episode I and II reviews, but I still watched all 90 minutes of Red Letter Media's latest ripping of the third movie.
It's like some sort of therapy for me, to watch and help deal with the fact that such shitty Star Wars movies came into existence. I hope that someone sits Lucas down and forces him to understand just how embarrassed he should be.
Again, this final instalment is over 90 minutes, and can get pretty long-winded at times. Stick with it - it's worth it.
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
It's like some sort of therapy for me, to watch and help deal with the fact that such shitty Star Wars movies came into existence. I hope that someone sits Lucas down and forces him to understand just how embarrassed he should be.
Again, this final instalment is over 90 minutes, and can get pretty long-winded at times. Stick with it - it's worth it.
Part One
Part Two
Part Three
Monday, January 10, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Frodo in the Hobbit?
AINTITCOOL HAS THE STORY
Consider this SPOILER material:
Not sure if it's necessary, but I guess it will help to be more edifying for the casual viewers whom might not even know how The Hobbit and LotR are connected.
Listen, I am giddy for old characters returning - I just hope it doesn't end up being cheesy (knowing Peter Jackson, that fear is pretty irrational).
Consider this SPOILER material:
- In a greater effort to link the two franchises into a cohesive unit, The Hobbit will actually begin with scenes of Elijah Wood's Frodo finding the book and experiencing the story along with the audience for the first time.
- It's unclear when Frodo will read the story; for my money, I am betting that Jackson places Frodo in those months (or was it years in the book) between Bilbo leaving the Shire after his 111st birthday in The Fellowship of the Ring, and Gandalf returning to the Shire after being convinced that the ring is indeed the "One Ring."
 |
| Shit, that Bilbo is crazy, yo! |
Listen, I am giddy for old characters returning - I just hope it doesn't end up being cheesy (knowing Peter Jackson, that fear is pretty irrational).
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Resolving 2010
2010 was personally the best year I think I have ever had. A wedding, a honeymoon, family, friends - everything seemingly fell into place as it should. It's probably a bit egotistical to think that there was this sense of destiny and purpose to my 2010, but in the end, everything just seemed too right.
*cough* screw you Texas football teams *cough*
Seriously, 2010 was so good that my conscious outlook on life has invariably shifted to be more future-oriented, rather than this perpetual dawdling in the present; simply, I want more years like this.
We are all guilty of falling into the routine of the day to day. It's weird, but reaching the pinnacle of happiness has etched in my brain that need to always maintain that feeling - that way of life. For me, it was about finally thinking seriously about resolving what I wanted with what I needed.
It was about the goal. My goal last year was to marry my partner for life. Since then, it's been this spider-webbing of possibilities in mind about what my potential could be. I want to be a better husband. I want to be a better friend. I want to one day be the best brother/son/dad/uncle ever. I want more years like 2010.
We are taught by society that in our college years, it's all about carpe diem, to enjoy the day while it lasts. It's like I have been in this protracted tug of war between that mentality and figuring out what comes next. Now I want to know what comes next.
I shifted my perspective.
Take the concept of Captain "Save-a-ho" that was introduced the other night by my wife: it's a pretty loose social work description of that guy that gets stuck in the rut of dating the same ol' "fixer-uppers." Cpt. SaHs always seems to attract, or be attracted to, those women with unresolved emotional baggage or neediness complexes (from trauma or abuse) that invariably will blow up the relationship anyway because in reality, it is impossible for Cpt. SaHs to save them. I have friends and family that are Captains, and they are the nicest guys in the world - and you really just want them to learn from their mistakes, because they start to wear that cape like a curse.
I want to tell those guys that there are no knights in shining armor anymore. There are no magic moments, epiphanies, or celestial beings that will come along and guide you to where we need to be. There is no need to stay in those ruts, to still wear that "Save-a-ho" cape. "Save-a-bro" and save yourself.
2010 felt like destiny because I made it my destiny. Last year taught me that there is not only joy in the present, but ultimate satisfaction in reaching the present having achieved a lifelong goal.
Now, I have about 1000 lifelong goals parading through my consciousness, vying for my attention.
Nice to meet you 2011, I have been looking forward to it.
*cough* screw you Texas football teams *cough*
Seriously, 2010 was so good that my conscious outlook on life has invariably shifted to be more future-oriented, rather than this perpetual dawdling in the present; simply, I want more years like this.
We are all guilty of falling into the routine of the day to day. It's weird, but reaching the pinnacle of happiness has etched in my brain that need to always maintain that feeling - that way of life. For me, it was about finally thinking seriously about resolving what I wanted with what I needed.
It was about the goal. My goal last year was to marry my partner for life. Since then, it's been this spider-webbing of possibilities in mind about what my potential could be. I want to be a better husband. I want to be a better friend. I want to one day be the best brother/son/dad/uncle ever. I want more years like 2010.
We are taught by society that in our college years, it's all about carpe diem, to enjoy the day while it lasts. It's like I have been in this protracted tug of war between that mentality and figuring out what comes next. Now I want to know what comes next.
I shifted my perspective.
Take the concept of Captain "Save-a-ho" that was introduced the other night by my wife: it's a pretty loose social work description of that guy that gets stuck in the rut of dating the same ol' "fixer-uppers." Cpt. SaHs always seems to attract, or be attracted to, those women with unresolved emotional baggage or neediness complexes (from trauma or abuse) that invariably will blow up the relationship anyway because in reality, it is impossible for Cpt. SaHs to save them. I have friends and family that are Captains, and they are the nicest guys in the world - and you really just want them to learn from their mistakes, because they start to wear that cape like a curse.
I want to tell those guys that there are no knights in shining armor anymore. There are no magic moments, epiphanies, or celestial beings that will come along and guide you to where we need to be. There is no need to stay in those ruts, to still wear that "Save-a-ho" cape. "Save-a-bro" and save yourself.
2010 felt like destiny because I made it my destiny. Last year taught me that there is not only joy in the present, but ultimate satisfaction in reaching the present having achieved a lifelong goal.
Now, I have about 1000 lifelong goals parading through my consciousness, vying for my attention.
Nice to meet you 2011, I have been looking forward to it.
YTMND Weekly #7
New Years Edition playas,
- The WWF finally admits to its stars shooting up PEDs: Intensified Beef Products
- Don't Stop Believin': Adventure
- One of my all-time favorites: Projects Price is Right
- Stephen Hawking finally figured out how to go back to the future: Stephen Hawking's Time Machine
- This reminds me of when my father in law gets drunk and passes out on his couch in his robe: Ghost of X-mas Present reveals all!
- What would a weekly update be without a Star Trek/Mortal Kombat mashup? : Gik'Tal Kombat
No Strings Attached (Redband)
Unlike the normal trailer, the redband for No Strings Attached makes Ashton Kutcher look much less like a whiny bitch upset with wanting more out of friend-with-benefits, Natalie Portman (as if society hadn't grown to hate him loath him already). Now that I think about it, if you find yourself sexing Natlie Portman, you probably need to figure out how to SOMEHOW lock that up for good.
Seems OK, and it also looks like Ludacris' character from the 5Fast5Furious movies shows up for yucks. Really, all it does is make me want to finally see Black Swan.
Seems OK, and it also looks like Ludacris' character from the 5Fast5Furious movies shows up for yucks. Really, all it does is make me want to finally see Black Swan.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Fatality
The hardest Football hit ever. Credit to AtM for recruiting someone who could turn into a brick wall.
X-men got it right.
X-men got it right.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides Trailer!
I hope it may just be a weak trailer, but Pirates 4 looks like more of an unfunny rehash of what has come before; or, I might just be cooling to Depp's Jack Sparrow. Sparrow was a stronger character with a full ensemble to riff with, but this movie very much represents a full solo adventure, so I am hoping they just threw in the stalest bits to get a trailer out there for the Tron audiences. Then again, the last two Pirates' sequels were muddled and maybe too dense with plot threads for their own good.
Gore Verbinski begged off this sequel (not a good sign), and Rob Marshall is at the helm. Verbinski had a strong cinematographic sense about incorporating the supernatural into the Caribbean setting, and Rob Marhsall did, uh...musicals? Marhsall's strongest efforts were Nine and Chicago, which are great genre films, but I don't know for the life of me how they prepared him for this type of summer fantasy action-adventure. God help us if Sparrow bursts into song...
Gore Verbinski begged off this sequel (not a good sign), and Rob Marshall is at the helm. Verbinski had a strong cinematographic sense about incorporating the supernatural into the Caribbean setting, and Rob Marhsall did, uh...musicals? Marhsall's strongest efforts were Nine and Chicago, which are great genre films, but I don't know for the life of me how they prepared him for this type of summer fantasy action-adventure. God help us if Sparrow bursts into song...
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